Category: Uncategorized (Page 1 of 2)

Learning Outcome Five

Description: Document their work using appropriate conventions (MLA)

Even before taking this course, I was very comfortable using MLA formatting. The only thing I sometimes struggled with was whether to put the period after or before the citation. Over the course of the semester, I have continued to refine my knowledge of proper MLA format and used it consistently. One element of this format that I like is how it seamlessly connects the source to the quote using in-text citations, which then connect to the works cited page for easy referencing. Below is an example where I utilize an in-text citation to show that I am using ideas from an outside source.

In this quote I began by introducing who is speaking using a signal phrase. Then I inserted the quote that I chose. I ended with the page number only, since the author was mentioned by name in the signal phrase. By utilizing MLA format, it is clear to the reader that I am borrowing this idea from someone else. It also allows for easier fact-checking because the author can be cross-referenced with the works cited so that the reader can go directly to the source to see if you misrepresented their argument. Below is the works cited for the second essay where that quote came from.

Because DFW is included in my citations, anyone who wants to know more about his work can easily find it. I love using MLA format because most of the time it is very straightforward. Although most of my other college classes use APA format, which I am less familiar with, MLA format will always have a special place in my heart.

Word Count: 271

Learning Outcome Six

After my initial drafts and even after I had completed some of my final drafts, one of the most common sentence level errors that I got comments for was using “this” but not explaining what “this” was. To me, it was usually clear what “this” was meant to reference, but often I used it in places where an outside observer like a reader couldn’t easily tell. Below is a sentence from the first rough draft which shows how I used “this” improperly.

Because I don’t explain what “this” is referring to, it can be confusing for the reader, especially if my previous sentences contained multiple things which “this” might stand for. Below is an example of how I revised that sentence to have a clear subject.

Now, the sentence is not only more clear, but it also brings in the source which gives validity to the claim. In later essays, I spent much of my time in the last stages of revision finding and altering any misuses of the word “this” or “these” into sentences which specifically connect to the point they are referencing, either through repetition or a clear relation to the subject. Noticing this tendency to generalize has helped me to focus on keeping things narrow and focused.

Word Count: 210

Description: Be able to critique their own and others’ work by emphasizing global revision early in the writing process and local revision later in the process.

While I had done the occasional peer review in high school, most, if not all, of the comments that my peers and I left were sentence-level revision. None of our teachers ever put much emphasis on what goes into a good review, so it was largely left to our own judgement to decide what sounded good and what didn’t. Even in my first peer review session in this course, I struggled with falling into correcting grammar or MLA formatting. As we continued with peer review, I got better at identifying and addressing global issues and tried to make my advice as specific as possible. This had the consequence of helping me to recognize when I had similar issues. The more I identified a specific area where global revision was needed in someone else’s work, the more I started to see where I struggled with a similar need in my own and was able to fix it. This has been one of the biggest benefits of peer review for me this semester. Whether you are leaving comments or receiving comments, both have some positive impact on your overall writing quality. I think by far the most helpful peer review to give or receive are the end comments. They are so useful because they draw all the points from the reviewer into a package that can be easily absorbed, which means that they are a fantastic jumping-off-point for revision. For the third essay, I tried to create an end comment that would allow my review partner to focus on global revision, while also emphasizing the best parts of his draft. I have included a picture of this end comment below.

With this end comment I began by focusing on the elements of his draft that I liked, followed by the elements that required improvement. I tried to be very specific in the feedback I gave, especially when it came to increase in quote variety and a more connective thesis. I gave him a couple alternatives for how he could revise his thesis to be more cohesive, rather than seeming like two separate ideas. These are all things that I especially appreciate when I read my end comments, so I try to use them when I write in order to give the best feedback possible. However, for this last essay I didn’t find an end comment from my peer, which made it difficult at first to really delve into revision. One comment I did receive on my last essay that helped me was about bringing in more examples from my personal experience. I have included this comment below.

This comment helped to give me ideas for how to expand upon my perspective and show my connection with my grandfather that is relevant to understanding my emotional state after his passing. I liked this comment, but truthfully it was the only comment on the third essay that helped me revise in any way. Every other comment was vague or didn’t give me a lot to go off of. Although I didn’t receive much in the way of great peer review on the most recent essay, there were some really great comments left for me during the second round of peer review. Below is an end comment left for me from our second essay peer review session.

Thomas’ comment here really helped me to start the revision process. I put a lot of emphasis on bringing myself into the second essay, which I talk about in the first learning objective. Having an end comment that is specific and concise like this is like having a checklist for revision. It streamlines the whole process and gives something to look back at and see if I incorporated every piece of advice, and if not then it gives me a chance to reexamine why I chose not to use it. Comments like these are what made peer review such a useful tool for writing, and it’s one that I will continue to use whenever I get the chance.

Word Count: 670

Description: Employ techniques of active reading, critical reading, and informal reading response for inquiry, learning, and thinking.

Of the things we learned in this class, annotation was likely the most familiar to me. However, prior to this course, I absolutely hated it. I love to read, but trying to write down notes while I read has never been easy for me. It takes me out of the process and just makes it so much more boring. But despite the fact that I still don’t love to take notes as I read, learning about the different types of annotations has at least made it a little more bearable. The way that I had been taught to annotate before was so vague that it did little to help make the process easier. Once I started to incorporate the six types of annotations from “A Brief Guide to Marking Texts/Annotating”, it helped me identify what to notice as I read. Some of my favorite kinds of annotations to make are rhetorical, exploring relationships, and challenge annotations. I’ve found that rhetorical annotations help me understand the intention of the writer, which I can then bring into my argument or simply keep it in mind to see what they are truly arguing. Exploring relationships is great because connecting different ideas is a big part of writing, so exploring those connections, be it to myself, the world, or another reading, helps establish different ways that I could eventually make similar connections in my draft. My favorite kind of annotations to make are challenge annotations because they are great for forming an argument. Some of the challenge annotations that I made in Ross Gay’s Inciting Joy actually ended up being one of my main arguments in my final draft. Below I have included a picture of that annotation where I challenge the assertion that “joy needs sorrow.”

This annotation where I challenge if joy is always associated with sorrow became the starting point for one of my points in my third essay. But first, I used this annotation to answer a prompt in the homework assignment “Ross Gay Reading Response.” Below I have included the response from the homework to show how I began to evolve that initial thought into a fully fleshed argument.

Here I take the idea a step further by explaining why I think Gay’s claim isn’t totally correct, then I expand upon it using a personal experience of a time when I felt joy but only a small amount of sadness. From the initial annotation I grabbed hold of not only a flaw in Gay’s argument, but also an opportunity to draw from personal experience and build a more compelling argument of my own. This idea eventually became fully realized in my third essay final draft, which I have included below.

This paragraph takes the personal examples to the next level and provides them as evidence against the idea that joy and sorrow are inseparable. From one small note that I made while reading Inciting Joy, I created a personal argument full of specifics that clearly addresses where I agree while not detracting from why I disagree. The fact that an entire page of writing resulted from a single sentence is proof enough of the effectiveness of annotating.

Word Count: 531

Description: Be able to integrate their ideas with others using summary, paraphrase, quotation, analysis, and synthesis of relevant sources.

In previous English classes, I had been briefly introduced to the different ways to quote a source, but most explanations were confusing or recommended mostly using full quotes with the occasional partial quote. To make matters worse, source integration was never explored in depth. We would talk about it for one class, maybe two, and then it would never be brought up again. Paraphrasing was seldom discussed, and on the odd occasion where it was, it was poorly explained and felt impossible to accomplish effectively. Not once do I recall being taught why I should vary my source integration, or what quote formats worked well in different scenarios. At best, I got examples of how to turn a quote into a paraphrase, and at worst I got to identify the quote format on the flashcards. None of this did anything to explain how to actually frame my quotes, or what kind of quote to use. However, once we began discussing source integration in class, I finally understood the point of varied quote structure and the methods for building a source into your argument instead of hiding your argument behind a source. This brings me to my first essay final draft, where I benefited from discussions in class about the quote sandwich. These in-class examples greatly improved my ability to frame quotes and incorporate them into my argument so that their words directly supported mine. Below is one example from the final draft of my first essay where I used source integration to weave the ideas in Konnikova’s essay directly into a retelling of my personal experience.

In this example, I use a partial quote from Konnikova not just to show that her words relate to my argument somehow, but, more importantly, to show that they directly support my experience in regard to social media being inadequate to provide the same benefits as a face-to-face friendship. Prior to this class, I would have never thought to use sources as extensions of my own words like this, because it puts my perspective out in the open, rather than merely implying where I stand through how I describe the quotes I use. But now that I am more comfortable having what I say on display, I will be using this type of integration far more often.

Additionally, I likely would never have grown to appreciate the different uses of quote formats, specifically paraphrase. Since learning about paraphrase in this class, I found that I loved the flexibility that it offered for source integration. I could reference a topic that the author spoke about for four pages without having to pick a single line that encompassed the totality of what I wanted to convey. Instead, I could explain what they talked about in my own words and cite that. It was especially helpful when it came to formatting Barclay paragraphs, because it allowed me to put the two sources into conversation in a way which felt very fluid and easy to understand, rather than trying to pick an exact sentence or two from each source that don’t seem to have anything to do with each other and trying to link them. Below is an example from my second essay of a Barclay paragraph where I use paraphrase to compare DFW’s thoughts about empathy to Brian Doyle’s descriptions of empathy in practice.

Because DFW’s original depiction of the grocery store mindset spans several paragraphs, trying to pick out a full or even partial quote that adequately sums up the point would have been very difficult. By paraphrasing the main idea that his description of a frustrating grocery trip is meant to convey, I eliminated the need to search for an exact phrase that may or may not be as effective. I did this again for DFW’s argument for a more empathetic mindset and Doyle’s recounting of The Hawk’s experiences. Not only did paraphrasing help with presenting the arguments and experiences of the sources I was using, it also brought in a lot of my own voice. Rather than copying from the source word-for-word, I wrote out my own understanding of each argument, which had the added effect of bringing in my interpretation of their stance, allowing for more of myself in the overall essay. Before, I thought paraphrasing just meant copying a quote and rephrasing it, but now I understand it’s many uses and have grown to enjoy deploying it in my writing.

Word Count: 738

Description: Demonstrate the ability to approach writing as a recursive process that requires substantial revision of drafts for content, organization, and clarity (global revision), as well as editing and proofreading (local revision)

In high school, much to my English teachers’ annoyance, I was firmly against the concept of drafting and revising. Nearly every time I had to write anything, I would wait until the last minute and write page upon page in a flurry until it was complete. The most that I would bother to revise was to plug it into Grammarly and fix any misspelled words or incorrect verb tenses. I found that I enjoyed the process of putting words to paper, but going back and examining those words in any meaningful way was exhausting, because no teacher had ever done a good job at explaining how I ought to be revising. As a result, I didn’t know what to look for, what to avoid, or how I could expand upon underdeveloped ideas. Furthermore, I had always had a perfectionist mentality in my writing, which meant that I hated to write something that felt incomplete or messy. When I had to write my first draft for this course, I felt a familiar sense of dread at the idea of writing something bad on purpose. However, after coming back to that draft after a few days, I had gained a fresh perspective, and revision came much more easily than if I had written it all at once and tried to revise right then and there. I still struggled initially with writing a bad draft, trying to refine everything as I went along, but by the second essay I was much more comfortable writing a disorganized, wordy mess. Now I knew I would be able to come back to it later and build on it.

A big part of that revising process was bringing in personal examples. While I didn’t find it difficult to insert myself into my writing, it was often only in the form of “I believe this” or “I think that”. I was showing my stance but at times I would shy away from getting too personal with examples. I feared I would unintentionally make potential readers uncomfortable. As I revised, however, I noticed that it’s those vulnerable displays of the author that can not only captivate a reader, but also give them something to latch onto to connect with my argument. Below is an example from my second essay draft where I initially left out the specifics of my experience, followed by a rewriting of that paragraph where I dive into the discomfort and isolation that so many college students, former and present, can relate to.

Initially, the first example was also my conclusion paragraph. However, once I was done revising and leaning into my own perspective, I realized that it was much more effective as its own paragraph. Adding that structure of my experiences gave my idea the strength to stand on its own, instead of being an afterthought at the beginning of my conclusion. Now, rather than leave the reader wondering why I had been isolating from others, they can hear my experience and understand a bit more about why I think what I think. It also gives them the ability to relate to what I went through, whether they were ever in college or if they just experienced something similar. Revising this paragraph made me more comfortable being vulnerable in my writing and allowing my true self to show through my words. It also helped me to see how powerful my personal voice can be for making a compelling argument, which I can utilize in other areas of my writing. If I had never become comfortable drafting and revising, I probably would have never thought to expand upon that idea, and my argument would have suffered as a result.

Word Count: 613

Yellow = addition, Blue = contrast, Purple = comparison, Orange = elaboration, Green = cause and effect

When Bloom talks of empathy, he describes it as a weakness of humanity. He argues that empathy is too narrow, because it focuses most on people who we feel a connection with, and ignores people who are different from us. This is made clear when he writes, “it’s far easier to empathize with those who are close to us, those who are similar to us, and those we see as more attractive or vulnerable and less scary” (Bloom 2). Here, Bloom is making the point that empathy is biased because we have a harder time empathizing with people who we can’t relate to. While I understand the point that Bloom is trying to make against caring more about issues affecting a group you relate to, I believe that this can be largely attributed to individual prejudice, not empathy. Rather than empathy being a cause for prejudice, as Bloom suggests, an individual’s own biases may impact how they implement empathy. Bloom also argues that empathy is flawed because we can only have empathy for individuals, or relatively small groups. He conveys this argument by writing about his general apathy towards the large numbers of murders that happen in a year in Chicago versus his empathy towards school shooting victims in Newtown (Bloom 2). He uses this example to connect his opinions about empathy to real world examples and help the reader visualize the negative impact of empathy when directed at only small groups. Bloom suggests that we ought to utilize “self-control, intelligence, and a more diffuse compassion” instead of empathy (3). His argument here is that it is more beneficial to combat large-scale issues with logic so that the most informed decision can be made to favor the greatest number of people, rather than only helping those with the most sympathetic stories. 

Bloom makes some good points about the human tendency to focus on the most unusual events over everyday terrible occurrences, as well as our often illogical approach towards matters that affect a wide group of people. However, I disagree that excess empathy is truly the cause of this. Rather, I think Bloom is describing the basic human social instincts which amount to simple self-preservation. Some key elements of these survival instincts are the need to be accepted in a group, the fear or avoidance of those who have a different, unknown appearance, and the stereotyping of others in order to adapt more quickly and avoid people we perceive to be threats. All of these can be attributed to survival instincts which simply fail to translate to our modern-day lives. Empathy does play a role here, because it is necessary to truly connect with someone on a human level. However, I don’t think Bloom’s interpretation of empathy is entirely correct. In fact, I think it misses the point of empathy in many ways. Empathy isn’t a catchall term for wanting to help others. It’s a mindset that requires surpassing our initial reactions to things in favor of a more thoughtful consideration of others. 

Reflection: When I examine how I tend to use transition words in these paragraphs, I notice that I tend to use addition and contrast the most out of the different transition categories. In this specific example, I am often contrasting my beliefs about empathy with Bloom’s, or adding on to a previous assertion that I made. I think I could benefit from a connective phrase towards the start of the first paragraph, where I wrote, “When Bloom talks of empathy, he describes it as a weakness of humanity. He argues that empathy is too narrow, because it focuses most on people who we feel a connection with, and ignores people who are different from us.” If I were to combine those sentences with a transition, like: ”When Bloom talks of empathy, he describes it as a weakness of humanity. For Instance, he argues that empathy is too narrow, because it focuses most on people who we feel a connection with, and ignores people who are different from us”, it makes the sentences flow better and relates the concept of empathy as a weakness to a specific argument that Bloom makes.

1. Who is Zadie Smith, and why should we pay attention to her essay?
2. In what ways does Smith “distinguish between joy and pleasure” and how do these distinctions match up with your own interpretations of the two experiences?
3. According to Smith, why is joy difficult to manage, and live with? Do you agree with her? Why or why not? Practice using a complete Quote Sandwich (utilizing a direct quote from the essay) within your response.
4. In a well-developed paragraph, respond to the following question: What’s the value of reading about, thinking about, and discussing joy?
5. How does Smith’s essay overlap or connect or contradict previous readings from this semester?

d

1. Zadie Smith is an English author who has written many novels, essays, and short stories. Her essay, “Joy”, examines what she believes to be an important distinction between everyday pleasures and true joy, as well as her personal history with joy as a complicated emotion. While I don’t necessarily agree with all of Smith’s points, her essay is still important to pay attention to because it offers a close look at how she interprets joy as an individual, which can provide insight into one’s own experiences with joy, whether they are similar or vastly different.
2. Zadie Smith defines the distinction between pleasure and joy more or less in how much it hurts to lose them. According to Smith, “The end of a pleasure brings no great harm to anyone, after all, and can always be replaced with another of more or less equal worth”, but joy “hurts just as much as it is worth”(9). By separating Joy and pleasure by their value, Smith proposes that although pleasure is a much easier emotion, joy brings life depth that pleasure cannot attain. However in doing so, Smith creates a complete separation between joy and pleasure that I do not find to be useful in practice. Many times I experienced joy in moments that were not as profound or ephemeral as Smith’s definition of joy. There is definitely something to be said for finding joy in life’s moments of greatest impact, but often I’ve found that the true value of joy is that it can be sought and found in even small moments, or moments then tend towards absolute hopelessness.
3. Smith discusses how, when compared to the comfort of pleasures, joy is quite often less desirable, even though it produces the defining moments of our lives. Smith states that joy is a difficult emotion because “it has very little real pleasure in it”(9). Smith’s belief that joy does not often carry with it the feel-good emotions that she associates with pleasure makes it easy to see why she would be uncertain about wanting to experience more instances of joy (1). However, even if I agreed with Smith’s definition of joy as moments of intense emotional highs, it doesn’t seem like that is completely separate from pleasure. The only thing that changes between how Smith describes an experience of joy and how she describes an experience of pleasure is the overall significance of the experience. She explains why there was joy when she fell in love and when she danced in a drug-induced frenzy, surrounded by similarly inebriated people. However, she doesn’t make the distinction that joy lacks pleasure until the end of her essay, and her own experiences don’t seem to support that claim. She makes it seem like joy and pleasure cannot be experienced simultaneously, but I believe that where joy can be found there must also be some pleasure along with it.
4. The value that is derived from the discussion of joy is that discussing joy has a way of bringing it into the center of our view. When we discuss joy, consider its implications, and look back to times when we experienced joy, it forces us into a mindset where we are more inclined to look for joy in daily life. If we are making an effort to search for those moments of joy in life, it can help to clear away a bit of the overwhelming noise of negativity that we are so often bombarded with, be it from the high concentration of depressing news stories that come on the TV or the loudest voices on social media which too often echo the worst parts of humanity. There is value in bringing joy into life’s conversation because it has become an increasingly rare topic, even though joy is the most crucial ingredient to stand strong against adversity.
5. While Smith’s interpretation of joy is that it comes about in life’s most intense and profound experiences, I think that DFW makes a valuable point about how individuals derive meaning from experiences that supports how joy is a choice rather than a reaction. DFW says that although we often examine how “the exact same experience can mean two totally different things to two different people”, we rarely consider that the reason it means different things is because “how we construct meaning [is] actually a matter of personal, intentional choice” (Wallace 2). Here, DFW opposes the common idea that our beliefs are totally shaped by our surroundings, and that we have little to no control over them. If DFW is correct in his claim that we get to decide what has meaning and what doesn’t, as I believe he is, then it is reasonable to say that we also get to decide what brings us joy. However, Zadie Smith’s essay opposes the idea that joy is a choice, as she places great emphasis on experiences which cause joy.  She demonstrates her belief when she writes about how taking ecstasy and dancing at a club made her become a “small piece of joy” (Smith 7). It is clear from the importance that Smith places on the wild night at the club that she believes her situation caused her to become joy, rather than any conscious choice to find joy in the situation. While both DFW and Smith assert that there is a connection between our experiences and the meaning or emotions that are found in them, they each have opposite opinions about which is caused by the other.

How Effective Is What You Say?

In my draft, I do identify the alternative that I am arguing against. One place where I write about this is my final paragraph, where I write “in order to hold on to joy, it is imperative to decide what brings you joy and seek it out, because only by making the effort for joy can we see through the darkness of our modern world.” Here I argue why I think finding joy in our daily lives is important, and discuss briefly why my stance is important. To go into more depth with this, it might be useful to identify opposing arguments that would assert that joy is not essential, perhaps because it is a distraction from dealing with the real issues of the world. That way the reader can see a clear contrast between what I believe and what “they say”. This would also help with making the “they say” and “I say” arguments more cohesively connected. I also offer numerous examples to explain how our sources find joy in different areas, but it might be beneficial to explain how that relates to the greater argument of the importance of seeking out joy in daily life.

How Well Do You Represent What Others Say?:

I use a couple different sources to address my argument, including Ross Gay and Maria Konnikova. For Ross Gay, I think I represent his stance well when I paraphrase from his writing and explain how he uses long, drawn out metaphors to challenge the popular understanding of sorrow and how it connects to joy. However, It might be beneficial to have more summary that explains his writing in more detail so I can be sure I am representing his full stance. For Konnikova, I do take her stance out of the context of its original writing, which was focused on social media relationships versus those we make in real life, however despite her not actually mentioning joy, It is clear how she feels about those experiences through her writing and I believe it is appropriate to equate those experiences to something that she feels would bring joy. It might be useful to identify this in my writing so the reader knows that although Konnikova isn’t directly speaking of joy, I don’t believe I am misrepresenting her argument by inferring joy as a product of those connections.

1. Gay advocates that we “lay down our swords and invite sorrow in.” What does he mean? Do you agree? Why or why not?
2. What, very specifically, incites joy in your life? Make a specific/descriptive list of at least ten things: the moment just before my favorite band walks on stage; walking through crunchy leaves; the feeling after a difficult but fruitful conversation, etc. Be as specific as possible.
3. What do you notice about your list? What does the list reveal about you and the ways in which you engage with the world?
4. In what specific ways does Ross Gay’s essay interact with Zadie Smith’s? What’s the value of Gay’s essay, through the lens of a college student?
5. Respond, in your own words, and referencing your own experiences, to the validity of Gay’s question: “What if joy and pain are fundamentally tangled up with one another?”

1. While I do think that the question of whether there is a relationship between joy and pain is often true, I think that there are certainly times when joy came without significant amounts of pain. I remember a lot of joy and particularly a feeling of peace when my grandfather passed. Even at his memorial service, I didn’t shed a tear. Not because I didn’t know him well or anything like that. I have very fond memories of our time spent together. There was a sadness, like there always is to some degree when someone passes away, but it was like the sadness that happens when someone you know is going away on a trip, and you won’t see them for a bit. I knew that it was okay to cry, and that no one would think less of me for it. But I never even felt the urge to. Even though I knew I would miss him, there was never a true grief that accompanied it. Not only that, but because all of my extended family had come for the funeral, we got to spend days in a row catching up and laughing about all the stuff we used to do with grandpa when we visited. We got to climb all over Sampson, the giant living oak tree in the backyard whose limbs were so long and heavy that they needed to be supported by wood beams in places so they wouldn’t collapse under their own weight, and whose bark showed all the signs of when the boys would climb up into the tree just because. We played silly games and got into meaningless arguments just because we could. The next time we would all be together like those few days wouldn’t be for years. I honestly don’t think I could have been sad if I wanted to. But maybe that is the connection of pain and joy, that when multiple people experiencing heartbreak come together, that heartbreak is made into something new, or at least significantly dampened.
2. I think that Gay isn’t saying that we should let ourselves become lost in grief and hopelessness, but rather that we shouldn’t fight being sad. Gay is saying that feeling sad is no less valid than feeling any other emotion, even though it is by far one of the most ostracized. Gay is proposing that instead of viewing sadness as the bad emotion that is hindering our recovery, we should let grief do its job without fighting it, which is to help us process a loss. I would tend to agree with Gay here. If we close ourselves off to feeling in the effort of not having to deal with the harsh realities, not only will we keep the wound fresh and festering, rather than allowing it to heal, but we will push away the connection that our sorrow can bring us, leading to intense loneliness. If we refuse to feel pain, then we can never make ourselves vulnerable enough to open up to other people. Those other people will in turn become isolated from you, leaving you alone with only the facade of being stoic and unfeeling.
3. There are a few specific things which incite joy for me. I think number one has to be spending time with my mom. I also get a lot of joy from playing with and cuddling my dogs and my cats. Another thing that brings me joy is learning a new fact about a topic I’m interested it. I also feel joy in being invited to do stuff with a group, drinking a hot cup of coffee in the morning or on a cool afternoon, walking alone through the woods, taking a refreshing afternoon nap, getting a good grade on an assignment I worked hard on, sharing about a topic I have researched, and horseback riding.
4. I think my list reveals that I really like spending time with people I care about, but I also really value getting the chance to be alone with my thoughts and enjoy small things.
5. Gay interacts with Zadie Smith’s essay by focusing on her description of joy as “intolerable”. He really hones in on how joy and sorrow interact, and how they are not mutually exclusive but rather feed off of each other when allowed to gather with others who are experiencing hardships. I think this is particularly relevant to a college student because as a freshman, almost all college students are experiencing the exact same anxiety and isolation that comes with being away from home for the first time, but if we don’t allow others to share in our struggle then we become islands of sorrow that eventually would drown in it.

Original: This is expertly displayed in David Foster Wallace’s 2005 commencement speech, “This is Water”. Wallace never uses the word empathy directly, but through his descriptions of human interactions and choice of thought, he conveys very clearly a higher standard of internal compassion that he believes is worth striving for. Wallace summarizes this when discussing the freedom of being able to choose how to think about life: “The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day” (7). Here I believe DFW  captures the true essence of empathy. It isn’t a byproduct of humanity’s prejudice and hypocrisy, nor is it something that comes easily or naturally. Empathy is a choice. A choice to free ourselves from the prison of being stuck as the rulers of our own sad, lonely, unimportant little worlds. Our worlds where we are safe, in control, in charge of everything that goes on, and can be as oblivious to reality as we want.

Rewrite: This is expertly displayed in David Foster Wallace’s 2005 commencement speech, “This is Water”. DFW never uses the word empathy directly, but through his descriptions of human interactions and choice of thought, he conveys very clearly a higher standard of internal compassion that he believes is worth striving for. He presents common, relatable situations of everyday frustration that almost every human on earth understands some part of, like “[having] to get in your car and drive to the supermarket” that’s filled with “stupid and cow-like and dead-eyed and nonhuman” people, despite being tired from work and just wanting to go home and relax, in order to connect the listener to argument (Wallace 3-4). He isn’t just presenting it to tell of the daily struggle of adult life, but rather to emphasize how difficult it is to change that standard, non-empathetic way of thinking. Most people, including myself on the first listen, would laugh at DFW’s depictions of common annoyances, but see little problem with thinking that way because it reflects the way we think. It isn’t until DFW challenges this thinking that it becomes clear how selfish the first example sounds, and also just how difficult it would be to think any differently. He explains how trying to consider other people’s possible situations is counterintuitive, and most of the time we will avoid doing so because it goes against our individual reality (Wallace 5). Ultimately, DFW argues that, in order to achieve meaning that reaches outside ourselves, we have to choose to think about the world differently. He summarizes this when discussing the freedom of being able to choose how to think about life: “The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day” (Wallace 7). Here I believe DFW captures the true essence of empathy. It isn’t a byproduct of humanity’s prejudice and hypocrisy, nor is it something that comes easily or naturally. Empathy is a choice. A choice to free ourselves from the prison of being stuck as the rulers of our own sad, lonely, unimportant little worlds. Our worlds where we are safe, in control, in charge of everything that goes on, and can be as oblivious to reality as we want.

Reflection: trying to alter my quotes so that they integrated more fluidly into my essay was challenging. I found it relatively easy to use the embedded quote method, but paraphrasing was very difficult. With embedded quotes, I only needed to find the pieces of the quote that I wanted to use, then fit them into the structure of a sentence. But with paraphrased quotes, I had to restate DFW’s ideas using my own words, and be careful not to depict his argument inaccurately, while also not merely slightly changing the word choice. The full quote is still definitely the easiest because you just need to frame it, but I can see how the embedded quote and paraphrased quote made the essay sound varied, as well as reducing the amount of my essay that relied solely on the quoted author’s writing.